February 2012
92 posts
Random head harm
Let’s take a moment to examine this fucked up demand
for continued excellence in every regard
like you are supposed to never fuck up
never make a mistake
because of course
as you are chosen to be not a cunt
you’d better not fail in your journey towards not-being-a-cunt-hood
Best friend I hate and despise yet love
That’s the way it is.
Not sometimes. Just now. The problem with generalities are that they are median statistic no-one is there baldercrap.
So there’s this one man (and I say that properly) who is my best regarded friend
The man who helped me, the man I helped.
And as it goes, the man I’ll always defer to
My wiser brother
Amos
So by your lack of reply
I’m therefore very interested in something or other
I hate and despise whiny acoustic
again
Discovering bacteria
I don’t remember when this happened
I was perhaps around four years old in 1969
Before it was the case that germs were such a thing
My mum tells me, that back in those black and white days
In still recovering great britains,
where bombsites and broken buildings were still gap tooth lack of monument
to where the dark black fuck swastika stabbed
just there, it was the thing that small...
Politics just now
I’m a long and inveterate socialist of long time hammered in the soul
going down from ancestry each and everyone
realised that the fat of the land is sucked up and vomited
by the bastard entitled fucks, harvesting their own inability to have any
idea what the fuck they are doing except than excusing
their trough nosed digging into tax payer funded bonuses
so that’s ok. we should...
Conceit therapy
sorry. I meant conspiracy theory
Ok, so maybe
that wasn’t my best of all festival of words dancing around the limited string
of my at best tenuous grasp on consensus reality
my qualia are not your qualia
Apple takes its ball back
In a turn of events as usually not predicted by analysts, Apple CEO Tim Cook is predicted to keynote WWDC with Apple’s new direction “FUCK you”
Tired of wankers nitpicking their latest genius/magical/revolutionary product, Cook is expected to announce Apple has decided its products are too good for lipsucking tech dweebs with entitlement issues.
With his characteristic southern...
Summer pricks and stings
and other things like sweat and wasps and dogshit on the pavement
like grass dried to ginger beards on traffic islands
where used air beats with flies
and cars stink and ping
[10 edits, this is reek of consciousness]
Bluff cove
More in the continuing series of anti nature
I don’t like the sea, I don’t want to see the sea
It’s a bunch of water, with salt and fish
A weak soup of seafood still alive and too salt to taste
The bit where it hits the sides is quite nice though
Suspect device
Maybe I’m paranoid, but I detect a theme in the way the water comes out of the tap
It starts as a controllable trickle, then quickly tricks the turn of the valve
To welter into the sink, or basin
Doesn’t matter where it happens
It’s the same until I turn it off
Apple mail: not for zero inbox twiddlers
If you’re in that zone where you get an avalanche of email, each one you have to personally respond to
Then I recommend the anti-twiddler mentality
That you have to respond to each and every one is just an ego trip
That you wish to make yourself important by reply
Try this
Your opinion and contribution makes no difference
So don’t reply
Your opinion does.
Reply.
Yes, you missed it
there was me, promenading my best foot forward
and you weren’t there
Yes, it's clear
I’m recycling bytes
If you've ever listened to
Merlin Mann, you’ll realise that he is full of good advice
But as he’s only five inches high
It’s easy to fill a receptacle that small
Dirty garageband
you encourage inveteracy
I'm channelling Mark E Smith
even though he’s not yet dead
that’s the kicker conspiracy
http://itunes.apple.com/gb/album/kicker-conspiracy/id357255949?i=357256596
I',
gnomiticon
Making an SF story around one phrase
The thing I did with the great long going nowhere abortive novel I done on another (now private place) was inspired by the single phrase “travels in albonia”
I’ve written it over the last five years, and I can see the development from clumsy literary fine writing, to clearly influenced by what I was reading, to finally finding my own voice. And my own voice saying /this is...
Dry humour in my eye
is an optician’s joke.
Kick creative
I’m trying to.
I have one of those irritating posts about writer’s block I can’t quite articulate.
That was almost a joke there. And it is also irritating when this self references.
It’s reflexive in it.
That joke. I’ve said that joke before.
Do you see what I’m doing here. It’s putting a full stop there.
A better way
Gambling
Seventies cars
Were better than the snot inna wind tunnel designed nacelles for gareth cheeseman hence.
There were trio types: the squat vauxhall or the rapier Capri, and (my dad’s choice) the Chrysler Sunbeam. All the fucking Hillmans, Minis, Spifires and etc. were lifestyle choices before lifestyle was ethnographically defined.
And fuck off BMW 2002 boring.
Proper cars
Remember
when the most memorable thing of university
was walking up the hill early morning
past those georgian town house lowering in the braid
of rush hour traffic
you hung over and not quite remembering
fucking a townie
Analog
The sound of grinding curbs as you badly steer
Your two tonne movable living room on wheels (your car)
Is deeply horrible if you cannot blame some other cunt for your bad driving
So the cure is here, and made well for everyone to regard
If your car is home in motion away from home
Then make it so. Fuck off the plastic esplanade of dials and moulded promontories hiding airbags about to burst...
Your heart doesn't synch
There’s no dropbox for the fiddling details of day to day fuckery
You just about put up with, and bottle in all of, this
But when you have a significant other
Fuck them for having their own lives
They should welcome your seltzer spray
Of carbonated disarray
What should I paint?
Time to get back to painting
Long time I haven’t.
So now I’m looking for a title,
see the question
I should change my name
Mortimerbrick
Funticle
Hyperformica
Stacker_human
Nick
I keep a journal
This is my OCD character kept in a Dorian box.
I have a college ruled notebook I’ve had since 1983.
And I have not written one thing in it.
So I don’t give into the hypergraphia me.
Then blogspot, twitter and tumblr came along in that order
So that didn’t work
Long form
So for the last five years I have written the equivalent of a novel (in bad character count only) on twitter.
Plus 40,000 tweets of variable intent, averaging 100 characters each. That’s at least 4 million letters.
Am I disappointed that I should have channelled that into an epic poem at least?
No, because each and every one is caparisoned in its own minute by minute moment, and out of...
The real pointless
Lately I have been listening to a lot of self help type podcasts.
Not actively listening, mind. Just letting the welter of homilies wash over as I struggle with project plans, wireframes and development schedules.
Hoping that, by some guru osmosis, the learnings, epithets and maxims will somehow guide my sub conscience to occasionally pop into forebrain with a fully rounded and excellent idea.
...
The reason why Siri won't work on android
A lot of work has gone into refining Siri’s responses via crowdsourcing: the database of acceptable answers builds with each success; a virtuous circle of reinforcement spiralling into the canonical answer.
So, now do that on android, sourced from youtube comments:
“Siri, where can I get sushi near here?”
du-dink: “LOL, yur a faggot”
“Siri, tell me when my...
Valentine's Day
Put an apostrophe in it and it’s possessive. Don’t put one in, and it’s a celebration.
First fist
Cod philosophy. For the following I will remind you of: self referencing sentences; the Epimenides’ paradox; Russell’s paradox; and maybe a bit of Cantor’s diagonal argument vs. Jazz Butcher(though not yet).
Self reference: this statement refers to itself
Epimenides: this statement is false
Russell: what set does the set of all sets that don’t contain themselves belong...
Vanity much?
Of course.
Items considered for inclusion
When I want to paint I get at least a 6’ by 3’ length of 1/2” MDF
Then a bunch of oil paints
White spirit
And B&Q Linseed oil.
And paint directly on the board with stinky mix of spirit and oil with lamp black
Then I look at it
Then I get flake white and not use it.
I paint suits and ears and eyes. And bricks and windows mainly.
